May Birthdays

Looking northeast from the Hudson River Promenade.1:00 PM. Photo: JH.

Foggy, coolish, first May weekend with the sun coming out yesterday and warming us up.

Yesterday would have been the 79th birthday of actress Audrey Hepburn. An NYSD reader named Ellen Sweeney has the same birthday which she celebrates with two other natal sisters at the Four Seasons, and they always raise a toast to Audrey Hepburn.

As it happened, Pamela Keogh had sent me a copy of her new book “What Would Audrey Do?” (“Timeless Lessons for Living with Grace and Style”). I’d never thought much about her although I liked her films.

I never met or knew her. From the screen and public image, I had the sense of a very nice woman, a very stylish woman. She had a natural grace that was calming in her performances. Vulnerable but resolute.

I had no idea what she was “like” as a person, off-camera. She was an actress that both men and women liked. And for different reasons. It’s tough to be a movie star, especially for a woman. When the career and the impactful public image last as long as hers did, it is no accident. She did not spend much of her time in Hollywood, removing herself to her native Europe much of the time. This is a smart thing for an important movie star.

Stars of Audrey Hepburn’s orbit are natively shrewd. They are, after all, artists; they are their art. They know a good deal of what they’re doing in public. They didn’t accidentally draw attention to themselves in the beginning. It’s not called Show Business for nothing.

When I ask women about her, they “love her.” She is “elegant,” a “gamin,” “romantic” and yet “realistic.” She had “style” that is still idealized and copied today. Her image wasn’t unlike that of a contemporary, Jackie Onassis. It’s not improbable that Hepburn’s public image impressed Jackie. They were both women very well aware of their public. Both aged gracefully, never losing an inch of their natural assets. Both made constructive use of their public images and in various ways “gave back,” promoting good works.

Furthermore she had children and divorces. Impressive, she was. Setting a good example, she did. Ambitious too, and with a tenacity that in another kind of personality would have been regarded as tough.

My first sense of what she might be like was when I heard she was living with Rob Wolders. Wolders was Merle Oberon’s last and much younger (by about 25 years) husband. I’d met him and Oberon at their home in Malibu in 1979, the same year she died of a stroke at 68.

He was her third or fourth husband. The age difference was remarked upon. But she was a movie star in the old sense and conducted herself accordingly. Much is an act but it is a “real” act. They learned how to be iconic. Mr. Wolders was Oberon’s consort and he conducted himself accordingly. It was a much admired relationship in Hollywood. “He’s so good to Merle,” was what the other women would say. In a place where the tawdry and the testy garnish the gossip, that was high praise. And indeed, he was.

Mr. Wolders had a brief, not unsuccessful, career as an actor. He has a feel for the business. Movie stars also, unlike the rest of us -- especially the big ones -- get a level of attention that is comparable to the attention that is usually allotted only a two-year-old making his or her first steps. For most of us, it’s a one time thing – if we’re lucky. For a movie star, it’s 24/7, forever. Or at least some version of forever. They get quite used to that kind of attention; you would too. For one thing it can be quite useful in navigating many aspects of life. Rob Wolders had the rare talent for complementing that and delivering. For the partner it is also the supreme compliment. For Audrey Hepburn it was an indication of her wisdom of what was best for herself.

In Pamela Keogh’s book which is a curious mixture of biography and iconography and improve-yourself presents sisterly tenderness in attitude toward the character. It is that combination of elements in the book that leads to a clearer, more realistic impression of the woman.

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A window in Charlotte Moss' decorator's townhouse. Click to order What Would Audrey Do? [2]

She was born Edda Kathleen van Heemstra Hepburn-Ruston in Brussels on May 4, 1929. Her father was at least a Nazi sympathizer. Her mother, a baroness. The marriage was clearly not an easy one and the child Audrey was frightened by her father’s volatility. When she was six, he left the house and never returned. Her mother wasn’t clear with her about it either. As a result the child had a strong sense of rejection, possibly shame or humiliation caused by her father’s abandonment. It was to be the center of her emotional life and eventually her married life. The cross to bear.

The Audrey Hepburn you read about isn’t so far from the public image. However, it is easy to forget when reading about the famous that the “realness” can be off-putting when you actually meet it/her/him/them. I have no doubt that despite her fears and uncertainties about the loyalty and devotion of the man in her life, she was an enduring, tenacious woman. With a great natural grace and beauty. She also had the humanity to use it in a way that made people feel better about themselves. But she also had a certain power in her presence.

If you’re an Audrey Hepburn fan, and I know there are a lot of you out there, this book is an interesting addendum to a life well-lived. If you’re not interested in this, you are nevertheless reminded of what a pleasure it was to see her on the big screen. Evidently many who knew her feel the same way to this day and she is missed.

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